The Sick And The Dead

Amy Winehouse (only sort of) Has Emphysema at Age 24
Earlier this week, the boozy bluesy floozy's dad told the press she has an "early stage of emphysema" from her crack and tobacco shmokin'. Now her publicist is refuting this with the statement that she has "traces of emphysema." I don't really see the difference, but either way she is now "covered in nicotine patches" and recovering. Do they make crack rock patches? Maybe that would help.

Kermit Love Croaks

The "Sesame Street" costumer, who also designed costumes for renowned ballet choreographers Twyla Tharp and George Ballanchine saw his last "sunny day" today, when he died at age 91 from congestive heart failure. He was co-creator, along with Jim Henson, of Big Bird and designer of costumes for Mr. Snuffleupagus, Oscar the Grouch, and Cookie Monster, among others who resided on "Sesame Street." He insisted that he was not the namesake for the green guy with an affection for one obnoxious pink pig, but judging from his choice in partners, I beg to differ.


Failure: George Carlin's Heart
I was never a huge George Carlin fan, but his success is worth noting, so I made up some appropriate words to go on his tombstone:

Here Lies Beneath one gorgeous George
Many of his words were quite poor
Though his tongue sharp, he did amuse
Your mom, your sister, and banged them too
Now he's gone from a failed heart
But no one will forget his profane art

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.”
May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008

Impetuous Imus Eats Shoe (Again).
Don Imus has another snack on his cowboy boot after a conversation regarding football player Adam 'Pacman' Jones' recent request to no longer be referred to by his nickname leads to another questionable remark. Jones, whose nickname is associated with six prior run-ins with the law, would like to relinquish himself from the bad boy reputation. Upon hearing this news, Imus responded, "Well, what color is he?" Given that Jones is black, Imus blurted, "Well, there ya go..." After losing his job last year when he referred to Rutgers' team, the Scarlet Knights as "nappy headed ho's", Imus really has no room for slip-ups. Now he's back-peddling, and it's not exactly cute to watch. I keep expecting him to say, "What?! I love black people! I even allow them in my home!"