MAD STYLE

I don't know much about these fashion-y fashion blogs. I look at 'em, but I'm not much of a participant. They often bore the living daylights out of me, but one person that has definitely caught my attention is THIS GUY:

Arlo is the son of none other than Mad Men creator, Matt Weiner, so who can blame him for having such great style?

Check out more pics of his daily steez HERE, and maybe learn a thing or two!

Stuffed Cabbage

I mean, I always  thought basil was pretty good-- but then again maybe I'm just lame?

Ashley is totally Juliette Lewis if she were a comic book character! I hope she wins!

Citizen Stain

Wife Swap used to be one of my favorite shows. My roommate and I used to DVR it each week. I'd lost interest in the past year though, until the REIGN OF STEPHEN FOWLER and the media frenzy that has surrounded him. 

For those who don't know, Fowler is a British expat living in San Francisco with his American-born wife, Renee, and two kids. The two claimed to be environmentalists, and were raising their kids as "citizens of the world". Renee ran a business as a weight-loss hypnotherapist. They swapped with Alan and Gayla Long of Missouri, a family whose diet consisted of fast food, and favorite pastimes were playing paint ball, and riding ATV's. Alan believed Gayla should handle the domestic responsibilities of the home, calling it "skirt work."

Real controversy began when the media began repeatedly showing clips of Fowler berating simpleton Gayla, failing to show the negative side of the Missouri family's lifestyle. While a sweet woman, Gayla is clearly undereducated, and Fowler took every chance he got to say terrible things to her calling her "undereducated, over-opinionated, and overweight" to her face. There is no excuse for Fowler's behavior, but Alan Long was pig-headed in his own rite, failing to care for the health of his kids nor their futures. The rules in which Gayla tries to implement in the home are not exactly the most valuable, nor the best way to approach Fowler-- especially in comparison to those that Renee Stephens brings to the Long home.

See rule change here:

By the end of the episode, the Longs do learn from Renee's rule change-- mainly that they need to change their diets, as well as concentrate a bit more on education for a brighter future, where as the Stephens/Fowlers come away with nothing. Alan Long surprisingly makes one of the most pertinent points at the table meeting when he tells Renee, "Your support system will mock your passion." This emphasizes for me that no matter the level of education, beauty, or well-roundedness, they may all be discounted by lack of kindness. I'm sure Stephen Fowler will be paying for his sins far after the media forgets. 

Deaf Combo

This is how I felt about the Grammys:

(That's Grace Slick abusing her baby with her moms for LIFE mag, btw.)

Why do they feel the need to "refresh" songs by forcing two artists that don't make sense to perform together???? Sugarland and Adele? I hate Adele. J.Timb and T.I.? Awkward. Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers? Well, he couldn't tell who he was singing with so I can't blame him. Who let John Mayer sing Bo Diddley??? Barf. I kind of liked the marching band with Radiohead, but I'm so sick of Radiohead these days I could just die. Apparently Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift sang a song together. I'm really glad I missed that. Jay Z and Chris Martin?? Oy! Need I say more?

I'm bummed Lil' Wayne didn't win Album of the Year, but he got rap album (and performed with a very preggo MIA plus T.I., Jay-Z and Kanye), so everybody wins. Robert Plant's still kickin' around. I guess he deserves it. I listen to Houses of the Holy all the time.

Here's that Katie Couric interview where Katie talks to Wayne about smoking pot, and makes weird gestures implying that her butt is sizzling hot. Just watch if you didn't:

Gold Sledge Hammer? Really???

I know MC Hammer went bankrupt some time ago, but I didn't realize Ed McMahon was so hard up! I'm not even talking about their claims in the commercial either. I can't believe these guys would even stoop to the level of appearing in this commercial, but I'm so glad that they did! (So hilarious how they title MC Hammer as "Famous Rap Star"!) It originally appeared during the Super Bowl , so I assume they actually did receive quite a bit of compensation for this-- unlike Cash 4 Gold's customers. I did some investigating in this company in the past (Just for kicks, because it seems like such a crock, right? Wow. I have no life.). 

Here are what some actual real-life "clients" have said about the company:

" 88 days ago by Kathy [send email] 0 Votes
I received a check from Cash 4 Gold that was very low in value to the items I sent to them. I phoned and emailed customer service and told them I was not pleased with the check and asked to send my items back to me. At this point I told them I was contacting the Better Business Bureau regarding their ads beinng untruthful. I then got a call from them to call them back and I did tell them I did contact the BBB and wanted my jewelery back. The BBB contacted them but it took Cash 4 Gold a long time to respond and did not respond to the final response requested by the BBB. BBB closed the case but Cash 4 Gold has this on their record."

" 51 days ago by mary currie 0 Votes
Cash 4 Gold ripped me off! I wish I had done something when I had the chance. The small check they sent me was a joke! Everytime I see that commercial on TV it makes me sick!"

" 8 days ago by Kim 0 Votes
omg, i sent in my jewelry and they said they nevered recieved it, i should have know better. now i have to fill out a claim and who knows if i will every get any money from this bottom dwellers"

OTHER FUNNY (AND SOMETIMES SAD) SCAM TESTIMONIES: 

1.) Exstenze - http://www.infomercialscams.com/scams/extenze_complaints

2.)SNUGGIE!! - http://www.infomercialscams.com/scams/snuggies_complaints

3.) Velform Sauna Belt-  http://www.infomercialscams.com/scams/velform_sauna_belt

4.)Hair Club for Men and Women- http://www.infomercialscams.com/scams/hair_club_for_men_and_women_complaints

Baby It's Cold Outside, But I've Got My TV To Keep Me Warm

BIG LOVE season premiere january 18 9pm
I have been waiting for this for what seems like a DECADE! I've even resorted to watching the old episodes On-Demand. In fact, HBO is offering three 2 minute sneak peaks of the new season for those who can't wait till next week! The sporadic seasons of Big Love might be blamed on last year's writer's strike, but I'm not certain. With the wide spacing of the seasons, I get freaked out with all the kids on the show, because suddenly they've all aged so drastically. When the first season ended Ben, the eldest son was a soft-faced little boy, by the time Season 2 began, he returned 2 feet taller, and totally makeoutable! Margene's babies went from newborn to about 10, okay 2, and she herself went from fat to anorexic. By next season, I won't be surprised if Sarah, the eldest daughter is 35, with 5 or 6 of her own kids running around!

Ah! I love this show. The drama, the score, the characters. Can't wait!

GOSSIP GIRL
The season premiere was totally disappointing and boring, but I'll still watch it, and hope it gets juicier. Mmm, incest (It's not really though, right? They share a half sibling, but that doesn't make them related. It will just make for um, awkward family reunions. Yeah.)

ROCK OF LOVE BUS
Honestly, the premiere of this show made me nauseous. I will still watch it though, as I am sort of desperate.

REAL WORLD BROOKLYN
See above-- AND I went to Trash Bar to see a friend of a friend play one night. About 10 people were there, but apparently, they had been taping in there earlier for this show. I'll always find guilty pleasure in TV shows, movies, and books set in NYC so I can pick out the places I recognize. (i.e. The Real Housewives of New York, Gossip Girl, Sex and the City, Woody Allen movies, Rom-Coms, Cactus Flower, The Great Gatsby, American Psycho, and of course, Breakfast at Tiffany's)

MAD MEN
Does anyone know when this premieres?! Last I heard there have been no new scripts written!! If this show ends and more trashy reality shows replace it, I might lose faith in the media all together. Last season didn't start till last July, so I'm not too worried yet.

HBO Presents GREY GARDENS april 2009
I am also extremely psyched to see HBO's presentation of Grey Garden's in which Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange take on the roles of Little Edie and Big Edie, respectively. The film will not just be a reenactment of the documentary, but will delve deeper into the pasts of the women, and what brought them to the house that came to be Grey Gardens. I noticed much negative commentary over the choice of Barrymore for the part, but the makeup on her in the scenes shot inside the house is exquisite, and she truly embodies the part. As far as her acting chops go: She has done a lot of fluffy films, but her skills truly do ring out in films such as Woody Allen's, Everyone Says I Love You-- Lest we forget, she IS a Barrymore!

CLICK THE LINK FOR HBO'S FIRST LOOK ON THE FILM:

http://drewsevolution.110mb.com/greygardens.htm

Plus people tell me I look like her so, you know, I dig her.

Mad About Maddow

I just want to say that I have a huge crush on Rachel Maddow--


And it seems a lot of other people do too! In the six weeks that her show, 'The Rachel Maddow Show', has been on air, she has DOUBLED the ratings of MSNBC for her timeslot in comparison to her predecessor! That's at 9pm EST, primetime TV, and a big deal!

Read more at NYTIMES.com.

Palin' In Comparison!

I could offer some over-opinionated blabber about last night's debate, and about how much of a dangerous cuckoo bird Sarah Palin is-- but I won't waste my time. I'll just note a few key statements of the evening.

1. Ifill: "As Vice President, there's nothing you've promised as a candidate that you would take off the table because of this financial issue?"
Palin: "There is not, and how long have I been at this? Like five weeks?"

2. "I may not answer the questions the way that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people." (So that I can dodge any questions I cannot or do not want to answer.)

3. 

Okay Okay, so Biden was definitely the "winner" of the debate in my eyes simply because he answered his questions, knew what he was talking about, and didn't mention hockey even once! Palin did what she needed to do, and that was not totally make fool of herself as she has in her recent interviews, nor run crying off the stage.  She also placated to the hometown folk with her po-dunky, poorly crafted sentences that is gonna make all her fellow hockey moms say, "Aw, she's like one of us. She's a good girl." Who cares if the syntax was all wonky and she didn't really know what she was talking about? Neither do most of America! Oh well, keep your fingers crossed, and vote for our salvation at the polls people. That's all that can be done.

I figured this is also a good time to post the spoof of Ann and Nancy Wilson's F U to McCain for using 'Barracuda' as Palin's theme (Real letter here.): 

Kenley Might Go to Bryant Park Too?!?!

This is my only commentary on Project Runway:

J'Adore

I was somewhat embarrassingly googling a previous (nightlife) employer of mine, and was pleasantly surprised to run across this fun and witty blog (not by the employer though):

http://jadorejoey.blogspot.com/

Last week's posts included:

1.) An amazing video called "Censor Bar Art" set to the tune of one David Byrne:

2.) A UK commercial, which ended up being pulled from the air after 200 Wendy Whiners complained that it was "inappropriate for children, and forces parents to explain same sex partnerships." As if! I think it's adorable, and clever. See vid below.

The Sick And The Dead

Amy Winehouse (only sort of) Has Emphysema at Age 24
Earlier this week, the boozy bluesy floozy's dad told the press she has an "early stage of emphysema" from her crack and tobacco shmokin'. Now her publicist is refuting this with the statement that she has "traces of emphysema." I don't really see the difference, but either way she is now "covered in nicotine patches" and recovering. Do they make crack rock patches? Maybe that would help.

Kermit Love Croaks

The "Sesame Street" costumer, who also designed costumes for renowned ballet choreographers Twyla Tharp and George Ballanchine saw his last "sunny day" today, when he died at age 91 from congestive heart failure. He was co-creator, along with Jim Henson, of Big Bird and designer of costumes for Mr. Snuffleupagus, Oscar the Grouch, and Cookie Monster, among others who resided on "Sesame Street." He insisted that he was not the namesake for the green guy with an affection for one obnoxious pink pig, but judging from his choice in partners, I beg to differ.


Failure: George Carlin's Heart
I was never a huge George Carlin fan, but his success is worth noting, so I made up some appropriate words to go on his tombstone:

Here Lies Beneath one gorgeous George
Many of his words were quite poor
Though his tongue sharp, he did amuse
Your mom, your sister, and banged them too
Now he's gone from a failed heart
But no one will forget his profane art

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.”
May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008

Impetuous Imus Eats Shoe (Again).
Don Imus has another snack on his cowboy boot after a conversation regarding football player Adam 'Pacman' Jones' recent request to no longer be referred to by his nickname leads to another questionable remark. Jones, whose nickname is associated with six prior run-ins with the law, would like to relinquish himself from the bad boy reputation. Upon hearing this news, Imus responded, "Well, what color is he?" Given that Jones is black, Imus blurted, "Well, there ya go..." After losing his job last year when he referred to Rutgers' team, the Scarlet Knights as "nappy headed ho's", Imus really has no room for slip-ups. Now he's back-peddling, and it's not exactly cute to watch. I keep expecting him to say, "What?! I love black people! I even allow them in my home!"

Nomination Goes to Obama but Don't Hate on Your Mama!

Sixty-two years after the date (June 3, 1946) the U.S. Supreme Court banned segregated interstate bus travel leading to the African-American Civil Rights Movement, the very first black man has received a nomination for presidential candidate. Not only did he receive the nomination, but he won it against an opponent who happens to be the first woman to furvently campaign for the position, and who just may end up running alongside him as his VP (His very loving remarks in his acceptance speech last night may begin to justify those rumors.)



In further coincidental moments in history, today (June 4) marks the anniversary of the approval of the 19th Amendment in 1919. Also on this day, I received a sad email from the Hunter College listserv regarding the infamously brash (and sexist) Chris Matthews speaking at the college's commencement ceremony today. The email is below:

HUNTER COMMENCEMENT DEGRADED BY THE INCLUSION OF INVITED SPEAKER CHRIS MATTHEWS

June 1, 2008

Dear Hunter College Community,

As you may know, MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews has been invited to speak at Hunter’s graduation day ceremony on Wednesday, June 4th. Administrative staff at Hunter looked for a speaker who could address political issues in this election year and decided to invite MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann. After agreeing to speak, Olbermann then backed out of his commitment and instead of returning to the drawing board, a Hunter staff member called MSNBC to see who they could send in Olbermann’s place. Matthews was offered and accepted. There was no formal vetting or real consideration given to the selection of this particular graduation speaker.

Mr. Matthews has gained notoriety throughout the country for years of insensitive, sexist comments on his show “Hardball” and his insulting treatment of women—not only, most visibly, Senator Clinton but also his television colleagues who happen to be female.
Matthews referred to Clinton as a "she devil," called her a "strip-teaser" and "witchy." He has referred to men who support her as "castratos in the eunuch chorus." He has commented on the physical appearance of women including his CNBC colleague Erin Burnett, calling her “beautiful” and “a knockout” during a discussion of economic news. In an interview with John and Elizabeth Edwards, Matthews asked the former Senator, “Does she bite your balls like this when you go home?” He then went on to ask, “What is this with the equal marriages? Why do people marry their equals? It used to be different. What happened to the Stepford wives? The good old days?” These are but a small sample of Matthews’s on-air sexist comments.

It is, in our view, disgraceful for Hunter College, for all of us who love this institution and most of all for our present and future students who look to Hunter as a bastion of women’s empowerment, to confer this honor on someone whose words in public so contradict the most basic feminist and civic values. Inviting him to be our speaker is asking him to represent Hunter College on this important occasion, and this should never have happened. We are outraged.

We urge President Jennifer Raab to adopt a process in the future that would prevent such mistakes. We hope you’ll join us in this call to improve the process by which the college selects commencement speakers. Write to President Raab to encourage her to establish a more careful, transparent, and democratic process. Her email address is: jennifer.raab@hunter.cuny.edu.

Sincerely,
Students, Adjunct Faculty, Policy Committee of the
Women and Gender Studies Program

While many of the quotes in this letter are not word for word, I did find the correct ones, and they are pretty damn close. (i.e. Does she bust your balls like this when you come home?, and more!)

Some people take Matthews as an innocent blowhard-- a comedian or entertainer of sorts-- but when he is delivering comedic "news" commentary, perhaps he should be on Comedy Central right between The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Regardless of his intentions, I agree he is not the appropriate choice for a college graduation.

This is not to say I hate chauvinistic comedians. So, here's Andrew Dice Clay talking about how much he likes Bush (I can't tell if this is political commentary or not.)

OOOOOoooooh!

I'm proud to be an American, Where at least I can be on TV...

Mike Sacks has written for Vanity Fair, Esquire, GQ, The New Yorker, Time, McSweeney’s, Radar, MAD, New York Observer, Premiere, Believer, and Salon. He works on the editorial staff of Vanity Fair magazine.

aaaand he also likes to take pictures of funny and/or weird stuff on TV.

Thanks to my roommate for the chuckles.

Here's one of my own from Austin last summer.

Happy Quinceañera to BUST!

Hey! Go buy the new BUST!



Besides the fact that hilarious Amy Sedaris is on the cover, it's their 15th Anniversary issue, AND I wrote an article on Isabella Rossellini's crazy (yet informative) new short movies about bugs doing the nasty for it.



Check out GREEN PORNO in its entirety on the Sundance Channel's website.

Should I STAY or Should I GO!!

Since Gossip Girl is almost over, I must get in some commentary here. The season finale is next week! I feel like the show just started. Damn.

All I really have to say is:

1. I hope Dan gets oral herpes. How could he turn his back on Serena so quickly? WHAT A SNAKE!

2. WHERE THE F- WAS JENNY??!




No one even mentioned her during the whole episode, even though she wasn't at her dad's big errr "gig." Did I miss something? A murmur of her name? "Oh Jenny is off at Grandma's house in Queens?" Something??! Maybe they were too star struck by Lisa Loeb (DUDE, somebody must be struggling to make rent. I seriously hope they had her on suicide watch after singing that song for the 429734982397th time. Seeing her panties on her reality show was real enough for me. Seeing her cling to her last 15 seconds by playing the character of herself [a washed up 90's one hit wonder] is just too depressing. Please, don't stay, Lisa. GO. FAR AWAY!)

Man, I can't believe the season is almost over. I can't wait to hear S call G a 'manipulative little B' and scratch her eyes out.

Deliver Us From Goodness

Man lives in the sunlit world
of what he believes to be reality.
But, there is, unseen by most, an underworld,
a place that is just as real,
but not as brightly lit.....
A DARKSIDE.

This past Monday, I spent my day off on the couch watching a marathon of Tales From The Darkside, the amazing, chilling TV show from the 80's. The opening credits always creeped me out more than the show. I grew up in the sticks of North Carolina, so this show made walking through the woods around my house a near impossibility for fear that something was indeed LURKING behind each tree! Oh, and FUCK going over a covered bridge!

A Lesson A Day from Tales from the Darkside :

1. Dads are usually mean drunks, and they are always gonna get what's coming to them.
2. Most men are mean, and will always get what's coming to them.
3. Kids are either geniuses, evil, or both. (Episode: I Can't Help Saying Goodbye )
4. Karma is a bitch.
5. Drugs can make you smarter/powerful. (Episode: The Bitterest Pill )
6. Brains beat brawn. (Episode: No Strings)
7. The dark side is always there,
   waiting for us to enter,
   waiting to enter us.
   Until next time,
   try to enjoy the daylight.

muah HAHAHAHAH!

Bitch, please.

As the spring is just beginning, it seems all my favorite reality tv shows are coming to a close. It's probably a good thing so that it'll get me off my fat ass and get said ass outside. Nevertheless, I can't help but feel a sense of loss.

Who will be my new Bret Michaels? Did he really find his Rock of Love this time around?

FATASS RECAP:


And even though the Real Housewives of New York City was a pretty crap show, I wonder what their Hamptons summers will be like, and if Ramona will OD on Valium-Dexadrine Martini Cocktails. Ho hum.

In the spirit of wealthy New Yorkers everywhere, I spent my day yesterday thinking up names of high fashion lines for rich bitches (of the canine variety), and using my amazing photoshop skills to illustrate them.

Karl Doggerfeld for Chanel


Doggy Holdiger


Dogatella Ver-spot-ce


Pawda, Poo-cci, Helmutt Fang...still coming...

stars and the bars and the babies with cigars

Last night I caught up on the most recent episode of the newest reality show to fill the hole in my heart since "Project Runway" ended called "I know My Kid's A Star." I have many opinions about this show, so I thought I'd share them, but I know the internet is so much better with photos, so, of course, I did a google image search for photos. Woah. VERY FIRST PHOTO TO APPEAR:

When I thought about writing this, I never thought I'd be stricken with blindness, but MY GOD! WHY WHY WHY GOD WHY?! Seriously. I don't even know how I'm typing this! (Maybe this is an old photo, but icky yah yah! Gah. Nasty.)

In all due seriousness, Danny Bonaduce has not only capitalized on his brief stint of child stardom, BUT his stint as an absolute fuck-up, as well. Bravo! Any man who can move from talking head on a "Where Are They Now?" show to having his own "inspiring" rehab reality show to a show where he objectifies other kids to lead them into their own fucked up careers, AND gets the opportunity to talk about himself before each commercial break (and there are A LOT) should get a pat on the back! He has Gene Simmons and Scott Baio beat by miles, and I hope he gives his agent really amazing daily blow jobs for getting him the gigs.

My initial point was not to talk about Bona-douche-y though. My initial point was, after watching the three episodes of the show now, I have decided I think the show is completely fake. Reasons why to come, but first I want to post the other top result of my google search, which I just think is cute and funny, and sort of makes me want to reproduce.

AWWWW!

A lot of shows seem scripted or at least sculpted by producers, and it's quite obvious that they cast conflicting personalities that will cause drama and make "good TV," but "I Know My Kid's A Star" is just a little too perfectly dramatic. It makes "The Hills" look like "Real World: San Francisco." The main fakey fakers are, of course, the show's two key drama mamas (sorry, that pun was straight out of the NY Post.):

1.
Melissa "Rocky-Super-Tranny-From-Transylvania" Brasselle-

The woman has been in a couple dozen B-movies (Did anyone see Body Chemistry 4? A++++! Three thumbs up! No. Four. Four thumbs!) , so she's the prime candidate to be a stage mom, and desperate for attention. Her daughter, Hayley is as cute as a button, and according to imdb.com has a stuntman dad, and has been modeling since the age of 1 under an agency. That's a lot of experience when surrounded by the rest of the other "novices" on the show.

2.

Gigi Hunter-

(She is so UNfamous, I cannot find a bigger pic than that. Loser.)

Stuck in the shadows as a back up dancer for the entirety of her miniscule career in Hollywood (Hey, she was in Coming To America. Good flick!), Gigi is also top on the pathetic list to push her kid to reach for the stars (later bars.) Great parenting, Gigi! She is also the epitome of the antagonizing Omarosa on "The Apprentice." Her poor kid, Alai seems okay, but that's only because she's in on the fact that mommy has been hired to be a holy terror.

The rest of the cast are most likely just some sad Hollywood hopefuls, but I'm pretty sure that these chicks are being guided by producers to amp the drama on the show-- Quiz Show style.

Oh yes. It's rigged, I tell ya.