stars and the bars and the babies with cigars

Last night I caught up on the most recent episode of the newest reality show to fill the hole in my heart since "Project Runway" ended called "I know My Kid's A Star." I have many opinions about this show, so I thought I'd share them, but I know the internet is so much better with photos, so, of course, I did a google image search for photos. Woah. VERY FIRST PHOTO TO APPEAR:

When I thought about writing this, I never thought I'd be stricken with blindness, but MY GOD! WHY WHY WHY GOD WHY?! Seriously. I don't even know how I'm typing this! (Maybe this is an old photo, but icky yah yah! Gah. Nasty.)

In all due seriousness, Danny Bonaduce has not only capitalized on his brief stint of child stardom, BUT his stint as an absolute fuck-up, as well. Bravo! Any man who can move from talking head on a "Where Are They Now?" show to having his own "inspiring" rehab reality show to a show where he objectifies other kids to lead them into their own fucked up careers, AND gets the opportunity to talk about himself before each commercial break (and there are A LOT) should get a pat on the back! He has Gene Simmons and Scott Baio beat by miles, and I hope he gives his agent really amazing daily blow jobs for getting him the gigs.

My initial point was not to talk about Bona-douche-y though. My initial point was, after watching the three episodes of the show now, I have decided I think the show is completely fake. Reasons why to come, but first I want to post the other top result of my google search, which I just think is cute and funny, and sort of makes me want to reproduce.

AWWWW!

A lot of shows seem scripted or at least sculpted by producers, and it's quite obvious that they cast conflicting personalities that will cause drama and make "good TV," but "I Know My Kid's A Star" is just a little too perfectly dramatic. It makes "The Hills" look like "Real World: San Francisco." The main fakey fakers are, of course, the show's two key drama mamas (sorry, that pun was straight out of the NY Post.):

1.
Melissa "Rocky-Super-Tranny-From-Transylvania" Brasselle-

The woman has been in a couple dozen B-movies (Did anyone see Body Chemistry 4? A++++! Three thumbs up! No. Four. Four thumbs!) , so she's the prime candidate to be a stage mom, and desperate for attention. Her daughter, Hayley is as cute as a button, and according to imdb.com has a stuntman dad, and has been modeling since the age of 1 under an agency. That's a lot of experience when surrounded by the rest of the other "novices" on the show.

2.

Gigi Hunter-

(She is so UNfamous, I cannot find a bigger pic than that. Loser.)

Stuck in the shadows as a back up dancer for the entirety of her miniscule career in Hollywood (Hey, she was in Coming To America. Good flick!), Gigi is also top on the pathetic list to push her kid to reach for the stars (later bars.) Great parenting, Gigi! She is also the epitome of the antagonizing Omarosa on "The Apprentice." Her poor kid, Alai seems okay, but that's only because she's in on the fact that mommy has been hired to be a holy terror.

The rest of the cast are most likely just some sad Hollywood hopefuls, but I'm pretty sure that these chicks are being guided by producers to amp the drama on the show-- Quiz Show style.

Oh yes. It's rigged, I tell ya.