Give Them Back Their Drugs.

Startled awake by a nightmare, I lay in bed glancing around the room as the sun cast an amber glow through my curtains. I was too lazy to get up and check the time but I was still aware that it was early, so I fought the boogie man in my head and tried to get back to sleep. Just as I neared slumber, the shrill ring of my cell phone startled me awake again. It was H--, "Oh I woke you up, didn't I?"

"Um. Yeah. What time is it?"

"Like, uh 9:30am. I-just-left-that-peyote-ceremony-I'm-not-really-tripping-anymore-I-just-needed-to-talk-to-someone-OH-MY-GOD-It-was-nuts." She sped through the sentences like if she didn't tell me the night would have never happened.

"Peyote ceremony? Wha?" I was totally confused, a little annoyed because I wanted more sleep, but intrigued enough to listen.

So my friend ended up going to some wack "Navajo Peyote Ceremony" that ended up being a total cult experience. (NOT a real ceremony. The Native Americans who were there even told her that they had been paid to be there. This had nothing to do with the Native American church.) I am actually really interested in doing something like this, but I've always heard of it being done in the middle of the desert in Arizona. If it were in New York, perhaps upstate in the woods. IN NATURE, you know?? My friend spent the night in a yoga studio surrounded by freakazoids.

She took notes during the time she was there, which are just too hilarious not to share. So this goes out to you, H--. You know you love me. xoxo, Gossip Girl

I am typing what I wrote down into a notebook during this whole freakshow. I was only able to jot a few things down in the very beginning before "Manuel", the psychotic cult leader whose message is "you are special. we are a family", walked up to me and grabbed the pen and paper out of my hand. I was "on peyote" during this part...administered by the Native American Church unlike the crazy juice this freakshow produced later in the night. Anyway, the fact that I'm out of my mind on peyote in a room of strangers and can still see this so clearly is what's funny. (In case you weren't going to get it.) Also, I threw out "Gringos"...come on.


5/2/08 no idea what time it is

I ate a bunch of "medicine". All these people are nice and this is pleasant. I'm supposed to be "healing" and figuring out what I need to change within myself. This whole thing caters to deeply disturbed people. I know because I consider myself fucked...but now believe I am the most stable person here. Someone from CONNECTICUT just sang "Somewhere over the Rainbow", for fuck's sake. I mean, go for it, whatever makes you happy...but this is just silly. :)

p.s. I vomited profusely the moment I ended that. Eerie. The Gods think I'm an asshole??


part 2.

Everyone is having some sort of "spiritual awakening". Here is what I think:

The Native Americans running this shit are fucking rad. Funny and not taking it so seriously (because this CLEARLY is not a real peyote ceremony!). And anyway, dude, the last time this ceremony was to be taken seriously (insert witty comparison here)...fuck these gringos. I am going to pray..."learn how to pray" because I'm an asshole and could probably benefit from this bullshit.

p.s. How come no one else wants to write?! How is that possible???


part 3.

THE SPIRIT? I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M ON DRUGS, MAN. "I AM THE GOLDEN GOD!"


We had to kneel and the spirit dude flicks feathers on you. I had on a really short plaid dress and asked ____ if maybe it was hot? HAHA. Her reply: "NO ONE is on that wavelength. No one...but you."


Literally passing the peacepipe! THIS RULES!


These notes are making me feel shallow (or not?). must stop now.

"Manuel" got up out of nowhere and blessed me with a feather for a while. There are 50 people here loving this and he chose to bless the one cynic (sane person?). I looked at ____ when it was happening and she sort of smirked and rolled her eyes.

Manuel has a hot "companion"...threesome? JK!!! note to self: get laid.


Joining in consciousness with everyone else. No more of this funny shit I'm only writing so I can email it to people to make them laugh. If you are reading this, I bet it's because I emailed it to you. Sigh-so predictable.

OK - prayer and feeling the cosmic rhythms of my brothers and sisters to my right...I mean to the east. LOL!!!!


Is it that I'm too smart to participate in this loving, happy little ceremony? Again, I am into this only because the Native Americans are rad. Koali (head Native Am. dude) and I had a moment because I was cupping a cactus in my hands and laughing [sidenote: important thing to remember is how dead serious everyone else was]. We are maybe on the same wavelength: "Yes, this is a bunch of people on drugs.", but I think maybe he's just nice and thinks it's cute that I'm kind of a jerk.

Dude, he just said, "a fresh medicine always helps!" and started cracking the fuck up, COME ON.

I accepted something that looked like iced tea but is really some "grandmother drug" for "mind and emotion". FUCK! I do not need a drug to draw out my emotions. (written 100 times on a chalkboard.)

I think it's 5:30am.

I AM SPECIAL. WE ARE FAMILY. I AM SPECIAL. WE ARE--AHHH!